Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
