how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
