i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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