It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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