i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
