A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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