highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
