I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
