Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
