That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
