pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
