so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
