apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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