okay pat passed out under dana's car
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
