and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
