I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this will be a night to untag.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
