I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
