My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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