Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found the puke drawer
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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