I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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