I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am available for nakedness
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
