i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
