I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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