The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
