you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
