He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize