I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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