I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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