but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
