good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
