She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize