Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
