i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I met the friendliest cop last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
