I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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