He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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