fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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