You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
