How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
