none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
