WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
