There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
