I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
