Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
