I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
