your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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