I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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