I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
