I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
