I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
