but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
