i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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