I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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