Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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