i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
