I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
