my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
