I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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