I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize