she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
