The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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