She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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