Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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