You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
