STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
