I want to make a zoo with you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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