Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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