I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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