Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize