it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
