I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
