Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Too much gin, very little bucket
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
