so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
